To My Baba Dave,
I always believed that fate brought us together. For how could two people halfway across the world find each other and fall in love? It would have been 8 years on August 28. But, God had other plans for you were never mine to keep. You have always been God’s.
And as you heed His call and when you do meet our Creator, please tell God that I am not angry at Him. As a human being I am hurt but I also take comfort in the fact that He took away your suffering. You were not well the past few months, my love. You were in pain. Your body was failing you and I know deep down you were confused and worried about me. ME. Everything you have done and tried to achieve has always been for me.
I didn’t even know you kept a diary of me. I discovered it yesterday when I was browsing through your phone and came across a folder entitled “Marian’s Moments”. My favorite entry read—I started to boil eggs and I heard a peep peep noise from the pan. I hurriedly turned down the volume to the TV as I rushed her over to hear the chicks! I had her lean down and listen to the baby chickens. She walked solemnly back to her stool in the kitchen. She knew I was playing a trick but her conscience wouldn’t let her forgive and she looked so sad. I immediately ran over to hug my saddened princess.
Princess was not only a name you called me but a feeling you made sure I felt each day. Thank you for the little and big things you did for me. From making sure I have something to eat after 12 hours of work, to reminding me to be in bed on time so I could get a full night’s rest before I took care of sick people. Thank you for being there when I lost a patient for the first time. It was 2 days after you proposed in what was supposedly a joyful week, you instead allowed me to cry.
Thank you for taking me to see the Backstreet Boys. It was such agony for you to be the only guy in a row full of 20-something ladies. But you told me you wanted to be there and witness me have one childhood dream come true.
Thank you for pushing me to drive on the highway, probably one of my biggest fears. A week before your passing, you almost forced me to do our practice runs after 6 years of procrastination. Now I know it was because you wanted me to be able to go places on my own.
More importantly, thank you for bringing me to Upper Sandusky. For introducing me to your wonderful family most especially your parents who are like my own. You made sure I am in good hands.
And lastly, thank you for bringing my siblings here with me today. It may be for a sad occasion but sometimes it takes such occasions to make us realize what is really important in life.
It truly feels like the last 8 years you have prepared me to be the strongest version of myself. You have taught me to conquer my fears, to focus on the good and not to dwell on things I can’t control.
I know it will be a hard recovery ahead but I can only promise to try my very best to go on no matter how long it takes. True to your last text message to me on the day of your passing, “You have plenty of time.” And I will take just that. Time.
Please know that from the very first day we met until the day you joined our Creator, you are and will always be my first and only love. In this lifetime and the next, forever and a day.
Rest in peace, Baba. See you on the road soon.
Love always,
Your Princess Yan
P.S.
Thank you for our 2 cats that you each gave to me on August 28, 3 years apart
